Being a single woman stuck in the hook-up generation, naturally I only have two real loves in this world- my fluffy white cat named Snowball and ANY kind of food. I haven’t always been this way, I once believed I could find my human equivalent to true love but my fair share of bad dates has since solidified my cat lady destiny.
I’d have to say the worst date I’ve ever been on was with a random guy I met at the bar and decided to give a chance. (Yes I know what you all are thinking- Really Jordyn? A rando at the bar? His only interests are playing with cats, not the animal kind, and downing shots of cheap tequila to work up the courage to ask the lonely girl at the bar on a date. AKA me, the lucky loner cat lady.)
My expectations of this date were rather high- my first mistake. The guy, let’s call him Derek, suggested we meet up for lunch. I thought, okay wow this guy isn’t suggesting a typical dinner date which of course leads to my generation’s most romantic scenario- Netflix and chill. Which by the way, I think is the stupidest cover up for a one-night stand, like come on guys you aren’t fooling anyone.
Anywho… the second reason my expectations were so high was because Derek suggested we meet at a new health conscious restaurant. Okay great, a guy who cares about his body and what he eats (Take notes Fat Bastard).
So we set a day and time and Derek and I meet at this restaurant. He meets me at my car and we head towards the door… which HE DOES NOT HOLD OPEN FOR ME. Red flag numero uno.
After I push myself into the restaurant, I’m instantly in a happier mood knowing I’m about to indulge my true love in life and fill my belly with something fresh and delicious. Like a tornado in a trailer park, my eyes are frantically scouring the menu trying to decide on what to eat.
Settling on a chicken burrito, I step up to the obviously herbivorous cashier and place my order. Derek does the same and even orders the same (ugh… copycat) however, HE DOES NOT PAY FOR MY MEAL. Strike two buddy.
They harvest our food from the field out back and I’m itching to stuff my face. In an attractive way of course, gotta behave like a lady after all. Halfway through the date, Derek is balls deep in a story about a homerun he hit during a championship little league game when he was eleven. So into what is clearly his biggest accomplishment in life, Derek gets so excited he knocks over his ice water, spilling it all over the table and ME.
So let’s recap- he didn’t hold the door open, didn’t pay for my food, and sent my lady parts into the next Ice Age, the opposite reaction most guys hope to attain with a girl. Three strikes you’re out my friend.
Scarred for life, I’ll be refraining from any dates with guys I meet at bars and spending more time with both my “kitties.”
Cheers to the single life!
Just living life and loving every moment. Just Jordyn.