There isn’t a day that passes without cell phones everywhere lighting up with a new follower on Instagram or a friend request on Facebook. New swipes on Tinder, connections on LinkedIn, and an inbox full of dms are the reality of social media and dating these days. That’s the world we live in my friends and I must say, it can be both a blessing and a curse.
Outside of the most popular social media websites, there’s a category of online dating that never fails to amuse me. It’s called “Missed Connections” on Craigslist and anyone having a bad day can instantly cheer up after reading just one post. People go online and post about someone they encountered and how they hope for a future with said person. It’s both hilarious and sad yet promises to entertain those who read. Below are some of my favorites, guaranteed to crack the smile of even the coldest souls.
“Graveyard Vigilante Slayer”
I knew we were meant to be the moment you said Hillary Clinton was a lizard person. I didn’t care that you liked wearing socks with your flip flops, or that you like to dress in all black leather. I didn’t judge you for being #Team Edward, or Bernie. Truth is, you make me laugh to the point my chapped lips bleed.
As I lay at night awake writing in my pink and purple “My Little Pony” journal, I snuggle up to my waifu pillow and wish it was you. I vision you standing there with your Fabio hair blowing in the wind. In one hand you have a hammer and in the other is a pack of dental dam.
You will probably never see this….. But if you do, ride off with me in the sunset on my George Jetson mop. Come live a life together on a farm, breeding horses simulation style. I will never force you to drink sh**** drinks like Budlight. And we can have pet rats and train them to do cool tricks.
“U was da ultrasound tek at Bronson Cox hospital”
It was Thursday night I had a UTI and you was like hermione from Harry Potter with your ultrasound wand and cast a spell on me. I was there with my boyfriend but would leav him for u cuz you know how to work it girl. If you wanna go get mcdonalds sometime hmu. Tell me how big the cyst on my ovary was so I know it’s you
“I gave you an accidental back scratch”
We were strangers in the 27th row on a flight from Seattle. We didn’t even exchange hellos. You seemed queasy and kept putting your head on the seat in front of you. I was high on cold medication and decided you needed a back scratch. We both realized what was happening, but it was too late. I scratched your back in an affectionate manner for at least five seconds, and no more than ten. I patted your back awkwardly at the conclusion of my back scratch and then pretended to be asleep. If you’re reading this, I’m sorry.
“I think I was kissed by a ninja”
There I was, taking a walk near the CCSU campus this gorgeous first day of the autumn season.
The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and a soft breeze rippled gently through the trees with leaves just starting to turn… Out of the corner of my eye, I glimpsed a dark shadow that crossed my path, approximately 5’9″ in height. The shadow blocked out the sun for the briefest moment in time, as I felt a slight pressure on my lips. I think I was kissed by a ninja. I know this is a long shot, but I’m hoping to find you.
Just living life and loving every moment. Just Jordyn.